There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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