Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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