so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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