I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
