I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ketchup is God's man juice
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
