I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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