Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
