thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he thought i was a dude.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
