My hand turned me down
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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