i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
