Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
