I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
