Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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