When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
