Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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