If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
