If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
