I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
