i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
