I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
