I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I look better un-naked...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
