forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She announced her abortion via fbk
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
