yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
