Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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