well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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