the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
