Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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