i already hear my dad disowning me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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