It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
