when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
