her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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