So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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