It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
