Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
