So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
MIDGETS
????
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
