yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
