My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
