put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
