Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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