You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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