I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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