The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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