careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
