i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
