Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
