I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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