when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
