Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
