I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
