she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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